What or Who Ascends? – Some Insights by A.R.
I went to a south coast seaside town yesterday and had a beautiful swim on a lovely, quite sandy beach. While swimming and wading in the water I invoked and had an inner dialogue with my child self, ‘Little Alan’ and that Green-Man –like being whom I had seen once covered in foliage, an elemental being or deva I named Tom, my Lower Self. I said to ‘Little Alan’ that he doesn’t have to be fearful, feel lost, unloved, alienated and abandoned on earth anymore. I asked him firmly to remember that, to accept that, as I enjoyed swimming in my physical body costume and being refreshed in the invigorating energy of the water, earthly life doesn’t have to be painful and suffering; but it can be infused with joy and bliss through both the magical gifts of Mother Earth and sea and the infusion of 3rd density life and reality with 5th dimensional spiritual consciousness and energies. I further told him that he was never disconnected totally from his greater soul and Sirian star family, that they were with him even now and always were. And he doesn’t have to feel that he has been condemned or ‘punished’ to live out his days in the fearful prison gulag of the brutal earth plane.
Later, I invoked ‘Tom’ , my Lower Self or ego and said I would not abandon or disdain him as something lower and inferior while I ‘ascended’ ever upwards to Spirit. Indeed, I promised him I would take him with me, include him, elevate, uplift, transform him too in the Ascension process. I asked him in return not to sabotage the process through fear, or old programmes of not being worthy, feeling guilt and shame, not being confident, not good enough etc. And Tom seemed finally, if gruffly and reluctantly, to agree!
It is very strange but I then noticed too I felt far more at peace in the midst of the physical, less threatened and more tolerant of it. Noisy, rambunctious folk and children etc. I might normally somewhat resent and shy away from, I was able to tolerate more and be more patient with, rather than judging them (however subtly!) or being disturbed. I felt more that I could simply release myself into the day and take simple pleasure in a typical English sea side town in summer. I felt more strongly rooted anchored in earth and sea as if I actually had a root chakra! There was not this woundedness, this basic misery of my traumatized inner child between me and the world; proving once again that the world we perceive is very much a projection of the mind.
Going home on the train I read a book about the Essenes, a Jewish mystical community credited with preparing the way for the life and work of the Master Jesus, and a saying of theirs really jumped out at me.: (I paraphrase) “To grow tall a tree must have deep roots”. The danger is if we seek to grow prematurely ‘spiritual’ simply to suppress or bypass, get beyond our earthly selves due to our basic emotional pain and unhealed wounds of the inner child we all carry, then our ‘spirituality’ will not go very deep and we will suffer the added burden and neurosis of not really being fully present on earth either and living an unfulfilled, frustrated life. I was forced to realize too that my interest in the ‘Apocalypse’ and my secret desire that the world might actually be destroyed because I felt it unredeemable and not up to expectations, as well as my fascination with certain extreme forms of Gnosticism, was in large measure due to the unresolved pain and trauma of the inner child.
Of course, there are important grains of truth in Gnosticism, the potentials of imminent ‘Apocalypse’ etc. – we undoubtedly do live in a kind of End Times, at least of the world as we have known it, and the beginning of a new cycle we don’t have much of a clue about. But what I am beginning to learn right now and what is most crucial is that we turn and face the thick black gunge of emotional pain and accumulated ’karma’, not just of this life but no doubt many lives as well. Otherwise, our spiritual life is like a seed that doesn’t soil, it is mostly in the head, airy conceptual and fake. If I am not even willing to be here how can I walk my talk? And it is time more than ever to be strong, brave enough, to really live and be what I/we know. Otherwise indeed, we may get swept away in a tsunami of cataclysms inner and outer.
What I am finally learning is it is all about balance and gathering up and bringing into integralness, harmony and unity, all the disparate, alienated going their separate ways and in opposite directions at once, parts of ourselves. That is, it is becoming a Tri-unity, as opposed to a broken and sundered multiplicity, or a false abstracted singularity, of Lower Self, Middle or conscious Self, and Higher Spirit Self, of the Son surrendering all to the Father; for in the end as in the beginning ‘Thy will be done’.
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